Introduction

An important step in ending the cycle of criticism in your relationship is to understand more about yourself and what makes you vulnerable to criticism. Five schemas have been identified as making a person vulnerable to choosing a critical partner and vulnerable to what the critical partner says and does. It is important to note that four of the five schemas are the same as the ones that have been identified for critical partners. Don’t be confused by the similarity. Keep in mind that a schema is a core belief that a person develops when one or more of his core needs are not met during childhood and adolescence. Different behaviors can be driven by the same schema, which can make two people with the same schema look quite different.

Additionally, it is important to note that while the schema is the core belief, the behaviors driven by the schema are separate from the schema itself. As mentioned, the specific coping behaviors for each schema can make two people with the same schema appear to be quite different. The critical partner’s specific coping behavior is overcompensation, which makes the person critical. The vulnerable partner’s coping behavior is to surrender, which makes you vulnerable to criticism.