This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Shawn T. Smith, PsyD author of The Tactical Guide to Women: How Men Can Manage Risk in Dating and Marriage.

About the book:

For men, love is a high-stakes gamble. The right woman can be the best part of a man’s life, and the wrong one can lead to personal and financial ruin. In today’s climate, no man should venture into romance without a reliable risk-management strategy.

The Tactical Guide to Women delivers a solid plan for allowing the right women into your life, and keeping the wrong ones at a safe distance. You’ll discover how to:

• Identify good women of low drama and high character
• Reduce your vulnerability to women who seem perfect for you—but aren’t
• Spot the early warning signs of emotional instability

You’ll also learn:

• Critical techniques for seeing women clearly
• The most common mistakes that lead men into disastrous relationships
• How to reduce the odds of a good relationship going bad

Impeccably researched and backed by the author’s decade of clinical experience, The Tactical Guide to Women provides men with desperately needed, rarely discussed strategies for finding sanity, joy, and companionship. This is not another book about getting laid. This book is about not getting screwed.

About the author:

Shawn Smith is a clinical psychologist in Denver, Colorado and the author of five psychology books. He also writes a blog at docsmith.co, where he has answered important questions such as: Can dogs learn to read? Why do I feel amorous when I have a cold? Is my ex possessed? Shawn’s writing is light-hearted, impeccably researched, and always useful.

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Rebekah Freedom McClaskey author of Breakup Rehab: Creating the Love You Want

About the book:

Turn Your Pain from Breakup into an Opportunity to Grow toward True Love

After her devastating breakup, counselor Rebekah Freedom McClaskey became inspired by her work in the field of addiction recovery to craft a safe, step-by-step path to forging healthy relationships based on honesty, love, integrity, and trust. Breakup Rehab addresses post-breakup chaos, providing clarity and direction so that your next relationship will be your best relationship.

This wise, real-world, and often humorous guide acknowledges the state of grief or resignation that comes with a breakup and then walks you through the stages of forgiveness and letting go. Along the way, you’ll experience a more compassionate self-awareness as you rebuild self-confidence and learn how to be loved for who you truly are. These steps will propel you forward on your unique path, as you recognize your life’s purpose and then travel toward well-being and a love that will set you free.

About the author:

Rebekah Freedom McClaskey is a breakup specialist whose private practice focuses on helping clients get what they want out of life and love. She lives in Southern California.

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Shawn T. Smith, author of Is He Worth It? How to Spot the Hidden Traits of Good Men.

About the book:

Where are the good men?

Good men are everywhere, and they are looking for terrific women. So why are they hard to find? And why do so many women make life-altering mistakes by choosing the wrong men?

The answer is distressingly simple. Good men don’t always know how to attract women, and women don’t always recognize good men. It’s as if there is a wall between the most compatible people.

But don’t despair! Is He Worth It? holds time-tested wisdom for spotting good men who are searching for great relationships. You’ll learn…

• The three pillars of a good man. Great relationships begin with the best raw material. Men of character possess these basic traits.
• The twelve-point man inspection. Men who succeed in relationships have the right tools for lasting romance. This quiz will help you evaluate his relationship readiness.
• Ten self-deceptions that lead to costly relationship errors. Life is too short to suffer through bad relationships. Find out how to avoid common mistakes women make when choosing men.

Written by a happily married man who is also a clinical psychologist, Is He Worth It? is a sweet celebration of romance, and it’s the perfect guide to finding love in these complex times.

About the author:

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Robert James author of Next: The Search for My Last First Date.

About the book:

Bob’s book is a chronicle of his dating adventures as a “normal” middle-aged man living in Florida.

Here is Bob’s description of his situation following his divorce:

In my forties, with a few extra pounds, I had concerns—I hadn’t dated in well over twenty years. Could I get the mojo back? Were all the good girls already taken? Holy crap! What was I going to do? I had to get back into shape!

If I did find women who had potential, would they find me interesting? Attractive? Sexy? I’m a pretty confident guy, have a good job, know lots of people. But what did I know about women and dating? I thought about dating the same way I did in college. But I was going to soon find out things had changed—a lot. Where was I supposed to start?

Bob found himself navigating a new (for him) online dating world. Besides the few time he was fixed up by well-meaning friends, he had no shortage of first dates from Match.com.  His book chronicles, in short form, his experiences–funny, sad, cringe-worthy, crazy, and alarming. Tune in and find out his current relationship status!

About the author:

“Robert James is a lifelong resident of Florida, and is a businessman who loves wine, cooking, travel and enjoying outdoor activities. He has run with the bulls in Pamploma Spain, raced cars, and loves having new experiences in which to write about. Prior to writing his debut book, NEXT! The Search for My Last First Date, his writing was limited to business proposals.

Now Magazine UK

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sheknows.com

by Jamie Beckman

Modern concerns are new and now

Modern life means modern relationship problems. In USA Network’s new original drama series Satisfaction, a couple at their marriage’s midpoint is wrestling with issues many American couples face: work stress, the monotony of suburban life, and what happens when having it all is not enough. We talked with a relationship expert about how these sticking points can affect relationships — especially in our post-modern world.

It’s been more than 50 years since Richard Yates wrote Revolutionary Road, but suburban discontent — with its sexual monotony, work/commute stress and general malaise as a result of conformity — is rearing its head again. Could this be the future of relationships? And could an unconventional sex life be part of the solution?

Modern relationships and stress

In our economy, it’s getting harder and harder to get by just by putting in a nine-to-five workday, not to mention the added pressure and financial responsibility of raising a child. The impact of stress on a relationship can be far-reaching, especially in 2014, says Michelle Skeen, PsyD, author of Love Me, Don’t Leave Me.

“Part of the problem is we don’t get a chance to shut down anymore, and that’s what’s changed,” Skeen says. “Everyone’s expected to be available, and everyone has some type of smartphone device — they can reach you by text or email or Facebook — and there’s an expectation that you should respond quickly. One of the ways that stress manifests is that the sex goes away. If you’re overstressed, you’re more than likely tired and distracted.”

How to fix that, Skeen says, involves more scheduling — but this is the kind of meeting you’ll want to block off. “Sex dates actually do work,” Skeen says, suggesting perhaps a lazy Sunday morning or regular Tuesday night takeout-and-sex-in-bed dinner. “Even if it’s not anything great — it doesn’t involve lingerie or rose petals on the bed — integrate it into your schedule, even if you don’t feel like it. Afterward, if you recognize what’s happening hormonally, there’s a great release of oxytocin, which is the chemical which creates bonding.”

Another way couples can connect when they’re not beneath the sheets is coming up with their very own decompressing activity after the partner with high stress arrives home, Skeen says. It could be as simple as a walk to talk over the day’s events or a sweat session at the gym. No matter what, you’ll be doing it together and reintegrating your partner into your busy routine.

Money causes problems, even when you have it

Even without most Americans’ fear of not being able to put food on the table or going broke, couples who are financially solvent can also face troubles, especially if one partner isn’t working as much as the other, says Skeen. Money isn’t the magic bullet that fixes everything; in fact, it can be quite the opposite.

“I see a lot of couples who have lost sight of their relationship and are disconnected because it’s easy to hire people to do things,” Skeen says. “You’re not in the garden, you’re not cooking together, or you have a food delivery service.”

To keep your relationship in the sight lines, “I think it’s really important to reconnect with your values,” Skeen says. “What are your values as a couple, and if you have children, what are you communicating to them verbally and nonverbally about what you’re doing? I’ve seen people who want their kids to be really comfortable, and as soon as they get their driver’s license they get a new car — they never experience the life their parents had as they were building their financial nest egg.”

Infidelity and open relationships

Could going elsewhere for one’s sexual needs, while technically still loving your spouse, be an effective solution for boredom with the same-old, same-old? Maybe.

“Everyone is really interested in [the concept of open relationships], it’s kind of a crazy idea, and there’s some kind of fascination, but I think very few people are actually wired in such a way that they can do this without being jealous,” Skeen says. “Monogamy is different for everyone. For some people, if you’re even flirting with someone, you’re betraying them, or if you’re a guy and you’re talking to a woman about your feelings, that’s a betrayal. Now it’s so easy — with email and texting and Twitter, there are all sorts of ways to find people and flirt with people and engage in inappropriate behavior. You need to sit down and state what matters for you — what works for you and what doesn’t work for you. A lot of times, after you get married, the spouse can be surprised by how things have changed — you feel a little bit like they’re your property. The best idea is to be really clear what works and what doesn’t, and set up this contract in such a way that no one is being violated.”

With traditional infidelity (rather than an agreed-upon contract), though, emotions and blame usually run high. But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the relationship’s death knell.

“I actually feel really strongly that couples can pull through infidelity and come out stronger. Some can go through difficult times and have a bigger picture of the situation. A couple of decades ago, I’d have said absolutely no, it’s a deal-breaker. But I think people make mistakes, just like people make financial mistakes, but that’s only one thing they’ve done. You still have all these other aspects of them and the relationship.”

Read it on sheknows.com

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Betsy Prioleau (previously scheduled Barton Goldsmith PhD had to cancel). We will discuss her specialty subject: sex and love from a post-feminist perspective.

Betsy is the author of Swoon: Great Seducers and Why Women Love Them (W. W. Norton, 2013), Circle of Eros (Duke University Press) and Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love (Penguin/Viking). She has a Ph.D. in literature from Duke University, was an associate professor at Manhattan College, and taught cultural history at New York University. She lives in New York City. Visit her website at www.BetsyPrioleau.com.

My guest this week on Relationships 2.0 is Dr. Ricki Pollycove, OB-GYN and an expert on women’s health. Dr. Pollycove will talk about the latest research and news on women’s health and sexual well-being–information that will assist you in improving your relationship with your body.

About my guest, in her words:

My career is focused on healthy aging in women, including hormone replacement therapy using primarily bio-identical hormones, and reducing risks for functional loss and dependency. I specialize in the endocrinology of menopause and disease risk reduction as reflected in individual patient care options and clinical management decision-making, with an emphasis on breast cancer early detection, diagnosis, treatment options and ongoing cancer survivor care. Further insight into the depth of our need to nurture ourselves throughout a woman’s life is fueled by having delivered over 1,500 babies in addition to being a mother myself. From babyhood to adulthood, we all deserve compassionate, kind and patient attention to our individual needs.

I have committed to becoming more active in the politics of medicine, hoping to preserve the very special nature of the physician patient relationship as well as promoting greater collegiality through all sectors of health care. I am a member of the following professional organizations: American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG). Fellow, 1984 to present. American Society for Reproductive Medicine, 1983 to present North American Menopause Society, 1992 to present American Society of Breast Disease, 1994 to present California Medical Association: San Francisco Medical Society, 1981 to present. Editorial Board, 1998-present. Editor in Chief, 1999- 2001. The American Medical Writers Association, 1994-2000. My academic appointments include: Volunteer Clinical faculty at UC San Francisco (Women’s health, gynecology and female sexuality courses) former faculty at the University of Arizona School of Medicine (associate professor for the “Current issues in women and children’s health” course) and adjunct teaching in the Integral Health Studies Program of the California Institute of Integral Studies (see www.CIIS.edu master’s program in Integral Health).

As part of community outreach, I enjoy appearing on television, as a regular women’s health guest expert on local and national television and radio programs as well as public lectures. Professional continuing education seminars for doctors, nurses, physician assistants and psychologists continue to be a regular part of my professional activities

I serve on the non-profit Sophia Project Board of trustees, devoted to caring for near-homeless mothers and children in West Oakland and the larger Bay Area. I also serve on the Board of the California Institute of Integral Studies, a University offering bachelor’s degree completion, Masters and PhDs (see www.CIIS.edu). For 15 years I served on the board of the Patient Assistance Foundation whose job it is to raise money for health education, social services and financial counseling for those in need. My hobbies include savory cooking and baking, having held a job as pastry chef assistant during college and never losing my enthusiasm for good organic home cooking. I also enjoy music (when I can practice, I play viola in chamber music groups and sing soprano), reading a diversity of philosophical and historical writers, bike riding and hiking to explore nature and the world.

My books include The Pocket Guide to Bioidentical Hormones, Alpha Press 2010, and Mother Nurture, with Rick and Jan Hanson, Penguin, 2002.

My guest this week on Relationships 2.0 is Betsy Prioleau, author of Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love.

About the book:

In this road map to restoring feminine sexual power, Betsy Prioleau introduces and analyzes the stories and stratagems of history’s greatest seductresses. These are the women who ravished the world, from such classic figures as Cleopatra and Mae West to such lesser-known women as the infamous Violet Gordon Woodhouse, who lived in a ménage with four men. Smarts, imagination, courage, and killer charm helped these love maestras claim the men of their choice and keep them fascinated for life. Through an exposé of their secrets, Seductress provides an authoritative, empowering guide to erotic sovereignty.

About the author:

Betsy Prioleau is the author of Swoon: Great Seducers and Why Women Love Them (W. W. Norton, 2013), Circle of Eros (Duke University Press) and Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love (Penguin/Viking). She has a Ph.D. in literature from Duke University, was an associate professor at Manhattan College, and taught cultural history at New York University. She lives in New York City. Visit her website at www.BetsyPrioleau.com.

My guest on Relationships 2.0 this week is Tammy Nelson, PhD author of The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationships After Infidelity.

About the book:

Everyone has their own concept of what “monogamy” means—and most people assume their partners and spouses are on the same page. Couples may assume that they are monogamous, but never discuss exactly what the monogamy agreement means to them. What happens when this implicit agreement is broken? After infidelity, relationships can become strained as both partners lose trust and faith in each other. The New Monogamy offers a way out of these difficulties for couples struggling to stay together after infidelity. Couples make these implicit assumptions and agreements explicit so that each partner knows exactly what is expected of them in the future and what they can expect from their partner.

Author Tammy Nelson helps couples regain trust, romance, and intimacy after infidelity by redefining the monogamy contract. The new monogamy contract is an explicit relationship agreement created after the affair that allows each partner to openly, honestly, and safely share their desires, expectations, and limitations. This agreement does not create an open marriage, but rather, an open conversation wherein each partner can have a say in setting the ground rules for their relationship. The book first helps couples rebuild trust after the affair, then engages in a series of Imago dialogues based on questions about what each partner really wants in the relationship, not what you think you should want or what a partner wants you to want. The New Monogamy includes questionnaires, checklists, and candid questions for partners to ask that help welcome complete honesty and trust back into the relationship. Then, the book helps couples make an erotic recovery from infidelity by addressing erotic problems that may surface and offers advice for helping couples return to desiring and trusting one another. After an affair, it’s impossible to go back to the way the relationship was before, but this book offers the chance for a new beginning.

About the author:

Dr Tammy Nelson, is an internationally known speaker, a licensed psychotherapist and author with over 20 years experience working with individuals and couples. She is a Certified Sexologist, she holds a PhD in Sexology from the American Academy of Clinical Sexology, is a Board Diplomate in Sexology, is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Registered Art Therapist, and a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor as well as a Certified Imago therapist, a Certified Imago workshop presenter and an Advanced Clinician.

Tammy is the author of several books including Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together and is also the author of What’s Eating You a workbook for young people with food issues.

Nelson leads workshops for couples in “Sex and Intimacy” and “Getting the Love You Want” workshops based on Harville Hendrix’s best selling book and his theory of Imago therapy.

Tammy teaches workshops and seminars around the world, and has worked with Eve Ensler (of the Vagina Monologues) in her Broadway production of “The Good Body”, where Tammy provided workshops in the “Red Tent” Installation in New York City along with the likes of Christiana Northrup and Isabella Rosellini.

She is the mother of four children; all in the teen years. She lives in CT and has a private practice where she sees couples and individuals.